Acts of Faith

"Act as if ye have faith and faith shall be given to you. Put it another way: fake it till you make it." — Leo McGarry

I’ve started two activities this year, both of which I feel a bit sheepish about: making ceramics, and keeping a journal. I’m sheepish because of how optimistic they are, how naive and earnest they feel. Both are deliberate attempts to combat my own brain and some long-held ways of thinking that I’ve started to recognize as less helpful than I once thought.

A few months ago, I took an intro to ceramics class at a local pottery studio. Some might think of pottery as a lovely, peaceful hobby to take up. But for me, I went in gritting my teeth, like I was joining a gym: I knew it was going to be uncomfortable and frustrating, but hopefully for my own good. Instead of burning calories, my goal was to burn off layers of perfectionism.

For years, I thought my perfectionism—which is a more positive term for “being a jerk to myself”—was simply a matter of holding myself to a high standard in the work I produced. Lately, though, it’s been hard to ignore that this has been crushing the joy out of the things I love the most, especially music. But it extends into everything I do, including this little newsletter. I started noticing that I lose a small number of followers every time I send one of these out, and that was enough evidence to convince me that I haven’t been doing a good enough job. “I need to improve what I’m sending out there.” It was a thought that bloomed into a full-on fear that I’m not living up to the potential of what a perfect newsletter should be: pithy, poignant, fewer run-on sentences like this one. As a result, I stopped writing as much.

I know this is not a great way of thinking. And so, in response, I started ceramics…because I knew I’d be terrible at it. As a complete beginner, there would be no way to avoid being anything but terrible. I’ve generally tried to avoid things that make me look and feel like a failure, but what if I were to dive headlong into something where I couldn’t expect anything else? Maybe I could find some enjoyment despite that. Part of my thinking was influenced by the fact that my wife is a gifted ceramicist. And yet, she’d spoken about how perfection is not the goal with her own ceramics. If anything, what might be deemed ‘perfect’ could also be sterile, lifeless, without feeling; and the point of art is to provoke feelings. I thought, if I could hold onto these ideas and embrace the inevitable imperfection in my pottery, maybe some of that thinking would rub off on me in other parts of my life.

Around the same time, I was at a holiday party hosted by my friend, author Rachel Khong (her newsletter is here). She showed me a five-year journal that she kept. I was astonished. I’ve had a dozen or so attempts at keeping a journal in my life. They’ve usually lasted a few pages before they were neglected and shelved. The audacity of maintaining one for five years seemed inconceivable. But she pointed out that these journals ask less of you, because in order to squeeze all those dates in, there are only about five lines per day. So I went for it. I found a beautiful journal, and started writing a little each night, even though I wasn’t sure what I would get out of this exercise.

And then: last week, I got to join the wonderful author Suleika Jaouad for an afternoon discussing creativity, and her new book, The Book of Alchemy—which is a guide to the art of journaling! A group of friends gathered at the home of Joanna Goddard, wrote responses to a prompt that Suleika gave us, and talked about what that brought up for each of us. I left feeling more inspired to keep entering in my five lines a day, this tiny act of faith, going in my journal.

I thought about my journal sitting on my nightstand for the next five years, the way it has been for these last few months, and I decided to try to honor the long-term commitment I’m making to it—through a ceramic project. I made a little home for it. Here’s how it went, from initial drawing (in the journal), to its ultimate destination on my nightstand:

It turns out making something is much more fun than convincing yourself not to make something. The little journal stand is not a perfect object—but it was so satisfying to take the idea out of my head and put it into the world.

Another idea that’s now been in the world for a few months is my new conversation series, Key Change, where I talk to some of my favorite people about a song that changed their lives. I spoke to actress Sophie Thatcher about Elliott Smith; poet and cultural critic Hanif Abdurraqib about The Clash; comedian James Acaster about Outkast; and in this week’s episode, Samin Nosrat told me about her relationship to the song “Untouchable Face” by Ani DiFranco.

Samin and I have recorded lots of podcast episodes together through Home Cooking, but this was a different sort of conversation, one that reveals a different side of Samin. I found it really moving. I hope you’ll listen to it. You can find it on Apple Podcasts, on Spotify, on the Song Exploder website, etc.

Speaking of Home Cooking, though, Samin and I are going to make more episodes of the show this year, and we’re going to be on stage together in a few cities this fall to accompany the release of her new cookbook, Good Things: Recipes and Rituals to Share with People You Love. I’ll be joining her on stage in San Francisco, Dallas, and Los Angeles.

I’m also playing some concerts next month, performing some of my new songs, and supporting the album releases of two wonderful friends and collaborators of mine. In Los Angeles, with Uwade; and in New York, with Ken Pomeroy.

Lastly, I’m working with Vidiots to present a screening of David Lynch’s wonderful film The Straight Story, which features one of my all-time favorite scores by composer Angelo Badalamenti. Many people don’t know that David Lynch directed a G-rated film for Disney, but he did, and it’s a beautiful story about redemption.

Here’s the info for all of those live events (click the link in the date for tickets):

MAY 15 - a concert with Uwade, at the Moroccan Lounge - Los Angeles, CA

MAY 17 - a screening of The Straight Story, at Vidiots - Los Angeles, CA

MAY 21 - a concert with Ken Pomeroy, at Baby’s All Right - Brooklyn, NY

SEPT 13 - a conversation with Samin Nosrat, at City Arts & Lectures - San Francisco, CA

OCT 9 - a conversation with Samin Nosrat, at The Eisemann Center - Dallas, TX

OCT 18 - a conversation with Samin Nosrat, at United Theater - Los Angeles, CA

Hope to see you at one of those events. In the meantime, hope to see you in the comments, especially if you have any suggestions for other hobbies that might help someone get out of the vortex of perfectionism.

The imperfect but satisfying results of my intro to ceramics class. My imaginary name for my ceramic line is Chaotic Good(s).